My beef(s) with the English language.

Don't get me wrong, I love English and all of its complexities. But occasionally we bicker. Over things like who's right and who's wrong. Whether or not an exception is ridiculous. Or me telling it it's too flaky and controlling. It's being difficult. Stop messing with my head! You're so confusing...Ya know, the usual. I mean, that's normal...right?

Strange exceptions cause difficulty when a small child is trying to learn to spell…
-Little kid: “But you said I was supposed to do this…”
-Teacher: “Yeah, that’s only if this, that, and the other happens too. Oh, & you have to stand on one leg, hop around, pat your head, rub your stomach, and say your ABC’s backward. Then you’ll get it right. It‘s easy, I promise.”

Other irritations include…

I before E except after C:
Apparently the rule is I before E except after C…and most other letters.

Examples that break the rule:
science, society, ancient, sufficient. "ie" = AFTER C in these words.
weird, theism, foreign, kaleidoscope. C = NOT before the “ei” here.

Silent letters: k, t, b, g, e, n
Examples: knife, listen, dumb, phlegm, become, solemn

My (least) favorite is letters like "T.“ It likes to put itself where it doesn't belong. It takes pleasure out of conquering words like "listen" and "whistle." They're like the creepy, unwelcome friend that intervenes in conversations they're not invited to. Which is annoying and slightly unnecessary. We would all be better without you, Mr. Silent T.

Homonyms:
Examples: they're/their/there, here/hear, piece/peace, heal/heel, to/two/too.

The most annoying is the multiple spellings of the sound (too). I mean, couldn't we be more creative? This has a large potential of being really confusing. Like...
"I want to too," --> I want to as well.
"I want two, too" --> I would like more than one of those as well.
or "Oh, I want to! And I want two too!" --> I would like to do it, and I would like multiple also.
If we had been more diverse in our word choice, we wouldn't have this problem. Silly creators of the English language.

Heteronyms:
Examples: Fair: reasonable, the national fair/Lie: tell an untruth, lay down

Really, guys? It’s one thing to have words that sound the same, but are spelled differently. But for them to completely rip each other off? That’s just being a copy kitten.

Okay, now to move on to some more modern annoyances:

Double Negatives:
Examples: Ain’t got no, Can’t find none, Do not have none.
 Corrections: I don’t have any, I can’t find any, I have none.

Is it just me, or do double negatives make sentences way more confusing than they need to be? For me, at least, when I hear someone say “I ain’t got none,” I think “I do not have none? Wait- do you or do you not have any?!“ Then I get angry because I’m confused. Liz’s don’t like being confused. Confusing a Liz is like unleashing an angry fire breathing dragon.

Over Abbreviating:
Examples: luv, rite, R, omg, U, wut, ikr, ppl,
Used in a sentence: “Omg, rite?! I so luv u! Ppl r soooo crazy. Ikr!”
Actual sentence: Oh, my God, right? I so love you. People are so crazy…I know right.”

Okay, I’m guilty of “lol” and “jk.” Even occasionally “idk.” What really gets under my skin is the complete lack of punctuation, capitalization, and even a hint of proper grammar. Oh, and the abbreviations? They r makin teh smartz of us go away, or assaulting the intelligence of the people lively enough to type complete sentences.

Apparently, those spending a lot of time online have found it necessary to make things as quick as possible…by abbreviating words to the point that they look idiotic. Even if these people do have a working, cranking brain in their head, they refuse to show it. In turn, looking like a moron and annoying the piss of a multitude of people...

I guess it doesn't even matter where you're from, your native tongue will probably annoy you and you'll wish you spoke French, German, Yiddish, or whatever it is that you don't currently speak. A classic case of The Grass is Always Greener syndrome? I suppose.

Or maybe I should just stop being so nit picky and come to terms with the fact that nothing is perfect, everything is bound to have a few flaws, and there are no rules without exceptions?

Or maybe I'm always right and English sucks and people always mess everything up. Yeah, that's it.